Woman Demands Respect From Husband After Years of Treating Her Like a Child, Is Sick of Feeling Like a ‘Little kid being supervised’

Author image for Lana DeGaetano
Lana DeGaetano • "Show me to me please."
Aug 23, 2024 10:00 AM EDT

You shouldn't have to "earn" the respect of someone who claims they love you.

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  • When you first start dating someone, the honeymoon phase is in full swing. You're never worrying about being treated as an equal, because if they are half as good a person as you think they are, they'll make sure to show you the respect you deserve. Misogyny is alive and well, so it's important for ladies to find a Mr. Right who doesn't make you feel like Mrs. Wrong. When the people we love make us feel incompetent and childish, it's important to analyze why that might be happening without excusing that type of behavior. Nobody deserves to be treated as such.

    The woman in this story is dealing with this exact issue. Before she and her husband married and had a child, her husband adored the fact that she had faced adversity and overcame it. She is strong-willed and expresses herself as such. But recently, her husband does not trust her with anything, even small, menial tasks that have little to no risks. She gives one example, placing an ant trap down, and how he doesn't even trust her to put it in a place in their house that makes sense. OP is failing to understand where their equality fell short but is sure that it is no fault of her own. I don't know about you, but OP needs to be reassured that this is red-flag behavior on the husband's part. You shouldn't have to earn or demand respect from your partner. It should be a given.

    Scroll to read the entire story, and additionally some comments from folks who are rooting for her.

  • 01
    How to convince my husband (36M) that I'm (32F) smart and capable?
    via RaspberryTwilight
  • 02
    I feel that my husband (36M) refuses to see me (32F) for who I really am, and sees me as a mix of his own past experiences and assumptions about women like me. It has not always been the case.
    via RaspberryTwilight
  • 03
    A little background and I really don't want to be too obnoxious and cocky but I'm a little defensive right now so I'd like to explain. I have a masters degree in computer science and close to 10 years IT experience, 5 of which is being a software architect. I was born in a poor country that I escaped by being offered a job in a better country, without even having to look for one.
    via RaspberryTwilight
  • 04
    I am bilingual and I did that all by myself too, with no teacher or classes or anything, before smartphones became widely available. Meaning, I went to the library, sat down and learned English from books. I'm explaining all this because it's important to understand that I am not the person my husband thinks I am.
    via RaspberryTwilight
  • 05
    My husband is a white rural American man with a bachelor's degree and a normal office job, not STEM. He doesn't have any elaborate hobbies or interests either, he's a normal guy who likes sports and action movies. I'm saying this so it's clear that he's not a professor of quantum optics or anything that would actually explain why he thinks he is so much smarter than I am.
    via RaspberryTwilight
  • 06
    He doesn't trust me with the tiniest of things. It's all day, every day, every single one of our interactions. The most recent one being, I saw ants and wanted to put out an ant trap. He said he will take a look and decide if it's warranted or not, and he will make sure I don't put it in a stupid place.
    via RaspberryTwilight
  • 07
    He wasn't like this before we got married and had a baby because back then I didn't rely on him to help me with things. I need him to hold the baby while the ant issue is resolved, I can't just do it on my own anymore, at least temporarily. Back then, I just didn't say anything and fixed the issue myself so it never caused a conflict.
    via RaspberryTwilight
  • 08
    But now I need to convince him that I'm actually not that stupid. I need to earn his respect so he starts trusting me with the little stuff and I don't feel like a little kid being supervised anymore. Especially because I used to be so tough, I literally lived a life that he didn't even see in movies
    via RaspberryTwilight
  • 09
    because his religious parents didn't let him watch movies with the kind of content that my life used to be like. I have seen some and dealt with some bad circumstances. I am not native or frail or any of these things. And he used to like this about me.
    via RaspberryTwilight
  • 10
    I have already communicated many times how I feel about this but nothing ever changes. because he says either one of 2 things:
    via RaspberryTwilight
  • 11
    1. I'm being mean by saying that and I have a tone, then we start talking about how much this conversation hurt him and the conversation about me not being stupid never happens. He also says he never heard anyone talk to anyone like this before and how mean it is... But he
    via RaspberryTwilight
  • 12
    said this so many times that now I speak with the gentlest, whispering tone hoping we'd get to talk about the marriage issues, but he still talks about my tone.
    via RaspberryTwilight
  • 13
    2. That he actually respects me so very much he just doesn't know how to express it and will try to find a way. This also ends the conversation, he won again, but eroding our marriage piece by piece so was it worth it though?
    via RaspberryTwilight
  • 14
    Anyways, it really is eroding what we once had. Does anybody know how to show a man that you're smart? I feel that at one point he did believe I was smart but after the initial honeymoon years now he just sees me as "just a mom" or idk. I really need to find a way to demonstrate my worth before it's too late.
    via RaspberryTwilight
  • 15
    LaRaspberries • 21h ago You have to convince your husband you are smart and capable? That very first sentence told me everything
    via LaRaspberries
  • 16
    New Arrival9860 • 21h ago 60+ Male Perhaps its not about you being smart and capable, but instead about control and being threatened by you being smart and capable so he needs to show value.
    via New_Arrival9860
  • 17
    halfhoursonearth_ • 21h ago This was sad to read, OP. You sound like an intelligent and capable woman, you shouldn't have to prove to your husband that you are the amazing person that you are.
    via halfhoursonearth_
  • 18
    He should be building you up, not tearing you down. He might have some ingrained stereotypical beliefs about women that he was hiding before, or maybe he's buying into manosphere content. It might be hard to confront him about this, how do you think he would react if you suggested relationship therapy?
    via halfhoursonearth_
  • 19
    In the meantime, please look after yourself and lean on people who can help you get your confidence back.
    via halfhoursonearth_
  • 20
    C... 21h ago Edited 19h ago You need to reread your post and realize your husband does not like you. You are literally asking strangers how to "earn" the respect of your husband. Your whole problem is he is a rural country boy who doesn't value women or care. He thinks you are a baby machine. I would run.
    via CharacterTwist4868
  • 21
    ThatsltimOverThis 21h ago You shouldn't have to earn the respect of someone you love. They should respect you because they love you.
    via ThatsItImOverThis
  • 22
    Marwolaeth-Fflur 21h ago . Why are you asking how to make your *husband* like you? I wouldn't want to be friends with someone who thought I was dumb and incompetent, so why are you married to one? Please, find someone worthy of you.
    via Marwolaeth-Fflur

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toxic-boyfriend Dating-Relationships relationship advice toxic-husband drama relationship-drama reddit story relationships sneaky husband advice relationship feud Reddit weird toxic relationship dating dating advice
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